Why Do We Forget People’s Names?
How many times have you been introduced to someone only to forget his name as soon as you have shaken hands? Most of the time, we “forget” names because we never stored them properly to begin with, not because we cannot recall them.
A normal introduction goes something like this:
“Hi, my name is Tom Smith,” returned with, “Nice to meet you. I’m Greg Matthews.” There’s nothing difficult about the names Tom and Greg, but the problem is that, while Greg is giving his name, Tom is thinking about what he is going to say next. The name is not set to memory, and Tom leaves the meeting having no idea of who he just met.
In addition to being frustrating and embarrassing, forgetting names can end up costing you in your professional life.
Business referrals, clients, customers, and patients all want to feel significant. When you take the extra care to notice and remember a person, calling him or her by name, you are showing that they matter to you. This also gives you an edge over your competition.
In the first of a two part series, let’s look at five tricks to better remember names.
How Do You Remember Names?
1. Pay attention
Obvious, right? You’d be amazed at how little attention we pay to the person we are meeting. Be present in the moment and listen when your new acquaintance says her name. Clear your mind and focus on her – not on what you’re going to say next.
2. Repeat the new name. Say it right back to the person
John: Hi, my name is John. You: John, nice to meet you.
Then, try to use the name two more times before parting. An excellent way to commit a name to memory is to introduce the person to one or two others.
3. Ask for the spelling
If the name is not familiar to you – foreign or otherwise unique – get its spelling to reinforce your understanding and to confirm you have heard the name correctly.
Many people are hesitant about asking for the spelling or just asking the person to say his name again. Don’t be. People like it when you take an interest in them, and they’re happy to repeat their name if it means you’re actually going to remember it (and use it in the future).
Some people have heavy accents, and some have really unusual names. These people often have their names forgotten or mistaken. Imagine the impression you’ll make when you take the time to truly understand their name, get the pronunciation correct and remember it.
4. Pick out distinctive features
When you meet someone, spend time looking at their face, and pick out a distinctive feature. Notice a crooked nose, puppy dog eyes, a cleft chin, big ears, yellow teeth etc. If possible, pick out the feature before you’re introduced so you’re not struggling to find one while the person is giving you his name.
When you focus on the particular feature, your brain naturally associates it with the name. This will take a little time, so begin by studying people on the street, in restaurants, on the subway etc. With practice you will train your brain to automatically pick out the outstanding feature of each face.
Note: Make sure you use permanent features and stay away from things like hair color, glasses, braces and things that may change over time.
5. Associate the name with a famous person
Another way to remember names is to associate them with famous people. If you meet Al, think of Al Capone, the Chicago mob boss. If you meet Jennifer, think of Jennifer Aniston. But don’t stop there. In order for the name to stick, you need to associate it with an action.
Picture your new client, Jennifer, sitting on the coffee house couch with Ross (from the T.V. show Friends). She goes to take a sip of her coffee when it slips out of her hand and spills all over Ross’s new white pants. Make the picture as vivid as possible.(Smell the aroma from the coffee, and see the steam coming out of the cup. Picture a huge brown coffee stain on Ross’s pants.) Now each time you see Jennifer, you’ll recall the image and her name.
Start using these techniques one or two at a time until you begin to do them automatically. I saw a huge improvement from day one – of course that’s coming from someone who could barely remember her own name at the time.
In part 2, I’ll introduce the technique that super glues a name to your memory: The Ultimate Trick To Remembering Names.
Thanks Steve!
I’m a fan of Harry Lorayne too. He took ancient memory techniques and brought them to millions of people who probably would have never heard of them otherwise. He is such an entertaining teacher. :-)
The use of mnemonics in foreign language learning is extremely powerful – as you demonstrated while learning Japanese. I would love to hear more about your experience!
Thanks for stopping by! Erin
I stumbled across your blog through the StudioPress showcase…nice to meet you Erin!
I love your site and this is a subject that I’m really interested in.
About 15 years ago I was heading to Japan to study acupuncture and before I went, I happened to see Harry Lorayne on a daytime t.v show. The thing that impressed me most was that he introduced himself to every guest in the studio as they came in and halfway through the show he had everyone stand up and he went through the entire audience without forgetting one single name. He also named every person on the set.
I was talking to a friend about it and she had his book and she gave it to me before going to Japan…it had a massive impact on how quickly I was able to learn the Japanese language.
In his book, Super Power Memory, he talks about tip #4, it really does work like a charm.
When I went to Japan I spent quite some time trying to figure out exactly how apply Harry’s peg memory system to the Japanese language. My teacher and other people said I was crazy and should just learn the words as I needed to but I didn’t listen…
Within a year I could write the college graduates list of Japanese characters from my head in one sitting (2042 characters). Each character in the book had a number and I could hand people this book and tell them to give me a number and I would be able to write character and say the word without hesitation. After 10 or so goes to try and trick me most people would just shake their heads and call me a freak :) (I loved that).
In the acupuncture clinic people couldn’t understand how my language abilities progressed at what seemed unusual speeds, I would just grin and say it was my super power memory.
Memory power is a wonderful thing and the more we exercise our brains the better they get.
I love your site and will return often. You’ve reminded me how much I love this subject, thanks!
Steve Anderson
.-= Steve Anderson´s last blog ..Admiration Greeting Card =-.
Brilliant tips, Erin! I’m one of those people who tend to forget names right after the introduction! That’s so embarrassing, especially during networking sessions. I’m going to follow what you’ve suggested here and see how it goes. Thanks so much for sharing!
Cheers~
Mark
Hi Rob,
So true. Most of us don’t realize that we’re just not paying attention when someone introduces themselves to us. Making that effort and then repeating the name goes a long way.
Hi Brina,
I couldn’t agree with you more. That technique has always worked for me, and I detail it in the second part of this series: “The Ultimate Trick To Remembering Names” – http://bt101.wpengine.com/the-ultimate-name-trick/
Stan,
I know. It’s such a horrible feeling to be standing in front of someone whose name you should know. It is so worth the tiny bit of effort to put name training techniques in use.
thanks for these tips. they’re great. i always have a problem remembering names. it’s pretty embarassing when i run into someone that i recognize, but can’t put a name to the face.
This is a great mnemonic. The most effective technique is to pick out a distinctive feature about the person and mentally link words similar to their name to that feature.
Brina
Hey Erin great post. I am self-admittedly terrible with remembering names and I can resonate with your post. Points 1 and 2 are so simple but so effective. I’ve found doing just these two things has helped me A LOT.
Cheers Erin.
Hey Jay,
I took baby steps. I started by choosing just one thing – like repeating the name – and I worked on doing that as much as possible until it became a natural thing.
Then I moved on to associating the names with famous people because that came pretty easily for me.
And you just go from there. Start with the easy stuff.
I really need to work on this as I am super guilty (and embarrassed) of forgetting names. I have heard some of this advice before, but when the time comes to use it, I completely forget to do it. I guess I just need some way of reminding myself. Maybe I can just tape this post to my forehead.
Hi Colin. Happy New Year!
#2 is really easy (and painless) to do. You’ll be amazed at how many more names you remember just by doing this one thing.
As for relating to faces – that’s coming up in part two of the series which will be out this month. Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I hope to see you back!
I found point 2 is quite practical to me. I will try it later.
Besides, while I am very good at relating name to voice, I feel a bit difficult to relate the name with face…. how about offer some tips on that?
@Sammie I hear you on the aging memory. It’s definitely something I have to work at now. And repeating the name is a surprisingly effective way to increase recall. Thanks for stopping by!
@carolin Thank you. Most of us don’t pay attention. It’s natural. We’re usually thinking of what to say next…
@Nurse Jen Doll Love the name! Thanks for the bookmark, and I hope you’ll come back.
Haha, nice tips. I’m book marking this.
I’ve gotten names so mixed up a lot of times. Yes, it embarrassing at times.
Thanks. I really need to start doing this.
I never remember a name, I guess I’m not paying attention..
Great tips – I shall definitely try them out. I think as I am getting older my memory is getting worse. I do try to repeat the name of the person when I first meet them at the same time as shaking their hands. It generally helps.
Thanks! That was so smart of your wife. When people remember my name I not only find myself liking them more, but I find myself wanting to like them more. I’ve never sat on a jury, but I would definitely take notice if one of the attorneys took the time to notice my name.
Tips 1-4 work (usually) for me too. I have a more advanced technique coming up in part 2 that is my go-to trick. It removes the second guessing so I know I have the name right.
…You have a nice site – really well done!
Nice tips. My wife used to be a District Attorney and she used similar tips when in trial. She’d memorize the names of each of the jurors, which made quite the impression.
I use 1, 2,3, and 4 regularly and they work (usually.) 5’s a good one too, thanks.
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