We’ve all done it, daydreamed about something that we wish would happen, only to go back to regular life without making a plan to change. Unfortunately this can leave a lot of hopes and dreams on the table, in addition to leaving you disappointed that you didn’t work towards your goals more effectively. Are you ready to change? If you want to finally get what you want by learning to ask in the proper manner, then it’s something you can absolutely work towards. To help you get started, use the time-tested and smart tips listed below.
1. Determine Who You Will Ask
When it comes to asking for something, you have to be sure that you’re talking to the right person. For example, if you ask a manager at your job for a raise, will they be able to actually make that a reality? In some cases you may need to speak with your direct manager or even someone who manages them. Before you make any attempts to start a conversation, give yourself some time to think about who you’re asking and their capabilities. By doing so, you’ll be able to avoid disappointment and create a more direct line to getting what you want.
2. Plan Out How You Will Ask
No matter what you are asking for, it’s important to rehearse what you’re going to say ahead of time. This is important, because it helps ensure that you satisfy the points you want to make in a clear and effective manner. Additionally, this helps reduce the frustration that unclear communication can cause. Understand that the other party does not know what you’re thinking, so you must be concise and detailed with what you say. Whether this is a personal or professional matter, the other party will appreciate the fact that you’re clear with them and have made an effort to help them understand what you’re after.
3. Expect Success
Asking for something that you want can no doubt be intimidating, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Even if you’re nervous, it’s important to act like you’re cool, calm, and collected because you deserve what you’re asking for. Stand with your back straight, have a clear tone of voice, and speak as if you expect the other party to be in agreement. If you are talking to someone in person (which is encouraged), then don’t forget to keep eye contact as well. You can do this!
4. Get the Attention of the Person You’re Asking
It’s easy for someone to become distracted and not actively listen to what they’re being asked. In order to help reduce chances of this happening, ask them when they will have time to dedicate more attention to the matter. If you have to, make an appointment knowing that you deserve full attention so your needs can be heard.
5. Plan to Compromise
While it would be nice to always get what we ask for in life, this is very rarely the case. If you don’t get what you want, even being clear and asking with confidence, then it’s important to be willing to compromise. For example, if you were to ask your significant other to dedicate phone-free time together past 8 p.m. but they said no, ask them how they would be willing to counter. Perhaps you could agree to a few nights per week or revoke the rule on weekends, depending on what you would be comfortable with. An example of this in a professional setting could be to finish a large project before being given the promotion that you desire.
Tip: When it comes to compromising, there’s a fine balance between being agreeable and being a pushover. To make sure you still get what you want, think about what you’re willing to do in order to reach your goals. If you go into the situation knowing your limits, then you’ll be much better equipped to compromise.
6. Explain What’s in it For Them
Everyone wants something in life, so it’s important to give the party you’re asking some motivation to say “yes” to you. When they are aware of the benefits of agreeing to what you want, they are much more likely to help you reach your goals. For instance, if you were asking for a better position at work, you’d need to explain the advantages for the company if that were to happen. Perhaps you’d get things done more efficiently or could implement a new strategy to help keep things running more smoothly. The other person may not think of these things, so it’s important to bring them to their attention yourself.
7. Don’t Accept Failure
If the other party says “no”, don’t let that get you down. It’s an unfortunate reality that even with a great offer, others still may not see things the way you do. Rather than letting this stop you from getting what you want, think about what you can do to get that “yes” in the future. Start by asking the other party if they can give you clarity on what needs to be done to get the yes. Once you do this, you can begin working on improvement so you can ask your question again in the near future.
Tip: Always be gracious when you receive a “no”, even if your emotions are running high. This will help ensure you don’t burn any bridges and can still work towards a different response the next time around.
Change Your Mindset and Change Your Life
It can be easy to get “stuck in a rut” and think that you’re never going to get the things that you want in life. The truth of the matter is, this isn’t the way things have to be. However, in order for change to happen, you have to adjust the way that you think. Rather than accepting not getting what you want, why not think about what you can do to get it in the future? Are there steps you can take, people you can talk to, or things that you can do that can get you to where you need to be? If you’re willing to open up to change and finally ask for what you want, you may be surprised at how much you can accomplish. Whether this is for your professional life, personal life, or something different, there’s no reason to hold yourself back!